AS WE ALL strive to live longer and healthier lives, there’s a chance that you might find yourself at 50 or older looking for a new love. At that age, if you are healthy, it’s likely that you are going to live to be 90 or older. Isn’t it better to do it with a partner who you can share your life with?
Nearly half of all U.S. adults or 133.5 million are currently single compared to 28 percent in 1960, according to Bradley Schurman, a demographic strategist and founder of Human Change. Roughly a third of people over 50 are single, either divorced, widowed or never married. The numbers are expected to grow in the years ahead.
The phenomenon has created a swirl around what has become dating 2.0 for the second half of life. This time around, it’s less about the goal of creating a family and more about what you want from the rest of your life. There’s also a lot more wisdom and knowledge about what you might want in a partner. Dating 2.0 has also spawned a burgeoning industry of coaches, support groups, dating apps and networks for those over 50 who want to reconnect. 
Laurie Gerber, a New York based relationship and dating coach has been helping the 50+ community find love again for the last 20 years. As a resident “love expert” at sites like Match, Zoosk, Jdate and through a private practice she has coached thousands of men and women.
“Most people want some type of relationship,” she says, adding that “Men are stereotyped that they are only interested in sex. But most men want a lot more.”
Gerber has advice that includes getting into the right mindset to date, getting your life set up well with fitness, health, and financial security, having a clear purpose of what you want, owning the stage of life you are in, and being rigorous about your truths. Do you drink too much? Do you want a long-term relationship or to just play the field?
Most of her female clients tell her that they don’t want to be a “nurse and a purse” for a man or to have him seem too needy. With her years of experience, Gerber has seen and heard it all, as she helps guide people back to love.
Greg Scheinman, founder of The Midlife Male, a lifestyle brand to help men maximize middle age, leads cohorts of men to help them in all aspects of their lives, including love and relationships, over 90 days. Scheinman’s work also includes retreats for men, where they bond with each other, create friendships, and share what they have learned.
“If there’s an interest in love and reconnection, we do a deep assessment as to where they are in their life now,” he says, noting that one of his clients is 49 years old and has never married, but wants to find love and have kids. They’re helping him reach his goal with the right woman.
While most people hope to meet someone through personal relationships or connections, older people have embraced the dating app culture too. According to PEW research, half of 50+ year olds have dated online with Match being the number one site, as well as other favorites like eHarmony, Tinder, OK Cupid, and SilverSingles.
For those starting with online dating, Gerber’s advice is to have a woman friend take your online photo. “Don’t show a picture of a fish you caught, no sunglasses or full body shots. Absolutely no dick pics,” she says.
What we know as we age is that falling in love again is possible. Science has proved that the same group of neurons in our brain that release the dopamine that makes us feel love is as alive as when we were younger. Here are four men who are a testament that it’s never too late for romance, intimacy, companionship, and a healthy sex life.
Ric Charlie, 66
Navajo Master Jeweler
HE WAS SETTING up for an art show in Scottsdale, Arizona, when a woman walked into the gallery and their eyes met. He thought she might be a potential customer, but then she left, only to return 30 minutes later to look at his Navajo-inspired jewelry.
When the Phoenix native told the New York visitor that he would be participating in a show at the Native American Museum in New York, they exchanged numbers and she offered to show him some of her favorite places when he got there.
Charlie had an early marriage and one son and had a couple of long-term relationships, but he had been single for two years. “I was done with being in any kind of partnership,” he says. “I was learning to be alone and spending time on my designs.”
When he got to New York, he called Mihaela and suggested a coffee, a lunch, a skydive! “Meet me at this address,” she said. When he arrived, it was at a heliport and they circled Manhattan together, as she pointed out the sites.
A widow at 54 who had lost her husband of 30 years in a tragic accident, she told him that she had always had a recurring dream that an American Indian was going to be a part of her life. A family emergency phone call interrupted their date, but they started corresponding when he returned to Arizona.
It was during the next couple of months that they bonded over creating a belt buckle for her that entailed both of them sharing their lives, dreams, concerns, her grief over the death of her husband, and more.
“I started to fall in love with her,” he says, but kept it to myself at the time. “Working on the belt design together was a spiritual odyssey for both of us.”
Four months after they met, she flew to Arizona to retrieve the belt buckle and it was then that they had their first kiss. Shortly thereafter, Covid hit and they decided that she would come to Arizona to spend time there with him.
That was five years ago and as he says, “I’m a Harley rider, outdoorsman, hunter, Navajo and she is an urbanite who enjoys the opera and theatre, but it all works. She fit everything that I was interested in. She’s independent, funny, adventurous, loves travel and life. She now rides on the Harley and has learned how to use a bow.”
Today, their lives are split between New York and Phoenix and now Santa Fe. There’s no plan to get married, although they have signed a domestic partnership agreement.
“We love our lives and our love keeps growing,” Richie says, adding that “We did finally go skydiving.” Sometimes love just shows up in unexpected ways.
Chuck Thomas, 64
Mental Health Consultant
AN IRONMAN COMPETITOR, triathlete, and runner, Thomas was also the archetype suburban father. Married 30 years to a woman that he met during college spring break, they had two daughters together. Life was commuting into the city for his job as an executive at Giorgio Armani, going to the girls’ sports events, and more.
“My main priority was work and raising the kids,” he says. “It was the mutual journey that my wife and I had, even though in my 50s, we both felt that we were drifting apart.”
When his daughters went off to college, he confronted something inside of him that he “lived with, but always pushed aside.” Thomas knew that he was really attracted to men, and he had to face his truth.
At 52, he and his wife separated, and he moved to New York City where he set off to explore and find himself.
“For four years, I dated a lot,” he says. “Went on all the apps. Explored my sexuality to learn about what my new life might be like.” After a while he took a break from it all and hardly went out, instead focusing on his new career in the mental health sector.
“One night I decided to go to a local rooftop bar. A couple of guys were talking about training, and I just butt into the conversation, explaining how to do the perfect squat.” That turned into a one-hour conversation, which turned into a date, which has now turned into an eight-year relationship.
“I really wasn’t looking for it, but then I met Michael, who was 48 at the time. After two weeks, we were inseparable. He is my soulmate, and we are on the same wavelength on all things.”
Thomas’s ex-wife has become a part of their extended family, along with his two daughters, who were very supportive of his new life from day one. All of them get together with his three grandchildren and dogs at the summer beach house that he and Michael bought and renovated.
“I changed my whole life and went through a shocking period, but it all worked out in an amazing way, he says. At the moment, marriage isn’t in the plan. “I’ve been married, but you never know, maybe someday.”
Alan Patricof, 90
Investor/Author
WHEN ALAN PATRICOF’S wife Susan of 50 years passed away, he wasn’t necessarily focused on finding another partner. The enormously successful venture capitalist had a full life. He launched a new fund, Primetime Partners, in his early 80s, he wrote a book No Red Lights about his career in the venture world and trained to run the New York City Marathon in 2022 (the oldest participant). His three kids and seven grandchildren also kept him busy.
Throughout his life, Patricof had a big social circle, including the well-know art historian Barbara Guggenheim and her husband Bert Fields. They would visit each other, double date to the theatre and join in on family gatherings. During Susan’s illness Barbara would visit and she and Alan would have dinner. They always stayed in touch and Alan went to Bert’s memorial when he died of Covid at age 93.
Aside from their friendship, he and Barbara also had a lot of connections through the art world, which would bring them together often. It led to more dinners and the realization that they really enjoyed each other’s company and it started to get more serious. They traveled to Art Basel, shared a love of staying fit and healthy, walking up to eight miles together, and more.
One day a mutual friend said to them, “I hear you are getting engaged!” which wasn’t the case. However, it led to a conversation about the future. They decided to get engaged and got married when Alan was 89 and Barbara was 77. “Getting married completes the picture,” Patricof says. “I like the idea of being compatible with someone full time. We are having a love affair. I loved my wife, Susan. Barbara and I both had good marriages and now it is our time.”
They exchanged wedding bands from their previous marriages in front of their families. “Barbara didn’t have her own children but speaks to my sons every day. We double date with my grandchildren. I always told my kids that if I ever got serious with someone, they would be proud of her. They all love Barbara. She has become a part of our family in every way.”
John Ziegelman, 60
Retired Hedge Fund Manager
WHEN HE GOT divorced at 52 after 25 years of marriage, Chicagoan John Ziegelman wasn’t interested in getting remarried.
“I dated a lot but wasn’t finding ‘the one;’ I was more focused on my three sons who were all still in junior and high school,” he says. The long-distance cyclist, skier, and health-conscious Ziegelman dated off and on, but it wasn’t until 2021 when he took his youngest son back to college that he ran into a mutual friend, who asked him if he was seeing anyone.
“She told me that she knew someone who was originally from Omaha but lived in New York. She was in her early 50s, into health and wellness, had no kids of her own, and had broken up with someone after a seven-year relationship, and was available.”
Ziegelman agreed to a text connection with Susie that led to some FaceTime conversations and the decision to meet in person. When he went to New York for the “official” dinner date, they ended up spending seven hours talking late into the night. Midway through the evening, he interrupted the conversation and asked Susie if she would be free for breakfast the next day. Thankfully, she said yes.
“I had an OMG moment when we spent that first dinner together,” he says. “She was smart, funny, gorgeous, and we had lots of common interests. I was interested from the very beginning.”
After the breakfast date, he returned to Chicago, but returned to New York shortly thereafter to spend the weekend with her. From that point on, it all just happened organically with a lot of commuting between Chicago and New York for both, until he relocated to New York a year later to be with her.
Two years after they met, Ziegelman proposed to her on a morning hike in Park City, Utah, and six months later they were married in Omaha, surrounded by her family, his parents, siblings, and kids. He sold his condo in Chicago; she sold her house in New York, and they are now building a house together to start their new life together.
Even though he wasn’t sure if he would ever get married again, Ziegelman “had a major change of heart because I met ‘The One!’ We want 50 years together or more.”
